Human beings are creatures of habit. We get used to doing things a certain way, and those ways can become, almost automatic. Couples do the same thing! Couples get caught in habitual patterns with each other. I’m sure if you are thinking about your own relationship, you may be shaking your head in agreement. Part of couples therapy is to explore and understand the cycles we get into with each other. Perhaps you are struggling with the idea of coming to couples therapy, but it is an opportunity to begin to do things differently in your relationship.
Couples work is also fertile ground to really get to know and understand yourself and your partner better. I have heard people say many times, things like, “I just didn’t realize why I was so reactive when she/he did that.” As couples begin to understand themselves and their partners better, and “have the conversations that haven’t be had,” they can organically learn to do things differently, and make changes in cycles which haven’t been useful in their lives.
The discovery of an affair is often a reason why couples will present for therapy. An affair does not have to mean the end of a marriage. It is, of course, an emotional trauma for both partners. However, many couples go on to have even better relationships after the discovery of an affair. There are books and resources available, and the work of couples therapy, again helps to identify and make changes in un-useful cycles in relationships.
Sexual issues are sometimes hard for couples (or individuals) to talk about, but they are often a topic in couples therapy. I have chosen to pursue certification as an AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certified sex therapist, so that I can skillfully help people in this arena. I offer a safe and non-judgmental place to talk about all sexual issues. These may include matters around comfort with emotional and/or physical intimacy, affairs, low desire, discrepant desire, physical pain with sexual activity, erectile dysfunction, pre-mature ejaculation, LGBTQ issues, sexuality as we age, sexuality and illness, sexual addiction in one member of the couple, polyamory, BDSM, kink, and so much more.
Couples therapy is an opportunity to begin creating change in your relationship. I can offer you a safe place to explore these difficult issues.